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Thud thud; goes his feet, thud thud goes his heart.
The eyes of kneeling men seem to question him,
what are you running from? where are you running to?
Some look at him as if to say I wish I could run; some look as if to say I ran once...what a fool.  
But yet he runs regardless; he runs from their questions and from his own.

Thud thud; goes his feet, thud thud goes his heart.
For this short run he gives into his insanity in a world full of madness; he is free.  
He can hardly breathe and he can hardly see, but he longs for this short taste of freedom.  
He can no longer feel the warmth of the sun when it breaks through onto his back
he can no longer hear the sweet call of the birds or the cool and gentle embrace of the rain in his face and on his tongue

Thud thud; goes his feet, thud thud goes his heart.
Many a time before a fellow runner he sought; but never had one been able to keep to his pace.
Some fell behind, some ran on and some would not run at all.  
The path bends and weaves yet he does not stray; it stretches further than the eye can see and yet he does not surrender.
He knows that this is the path he must run like so many others; yet he knows he cannot run much longer.

Thud thud thud go his feet; thud thud...thud goes his heart.
Dazed he hears no more, tired he sees no more, he wonders from the path falling upon a new path in the undergrowth untreaded by him before.
Here he finds a great silence, a wonderful nothingness, a true freedom.  Is this the path he longed to run?  
©2007-2009 ~Th3-F4ll3n
:iconth3-f4ll3n:

Author's Comments

To be entirely honest, the idea of poetry is for you to make your own impressions of it. So I would be interested to see any viewer’s views of it and possibly any purely constructive criticism. Everyone runs; ask yourself what do you run from, or what do you wish you could run from?

bon appetit

Comments


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:iconjaklyn-rose:
To me, the person was running from a bad event. Ha, probably not very creative, but that's what it made me think of.
:iconth3-f4ll3n:
That is one of the angles I was going with! Everyone tries to run from something.

--
'Kings will find armies; and the world men.'

Please view my poetry on: [link]
:iconmossi-mo:
erm. This does not have any flow at all what so ever. A poem is not just a jumble of words that may mean something.At the moment it's a fragmented and metaphorical essay.Read it out loud to yourself and then read a few poems that you admire. If you dont admire any, there are some really nice ones hiding on dA. Search for Sociopolitical >Open or Experimental > Open
Then read yours aloud to yourself again. I understand what you're going for but remember,

Poem n.
1. a composition in verse, esp. one that is characterized by a highly developed artistic form and by the use of heightened language and rhythm to express an intensely imaginative interpretation of the subject.
2. composition that, though not in verse, is characterized by great beauty of language or expression

You want definition two. It doesnt have to be in verse, but to be a good poem it need that beauty of expression.

Thud thud; goes his feet, thud thud goes his heart.
'goes his feet' the proper way is 'go his feet'

Why do all of the other stanzas have only two thuds? I'd like to understand why because the change is so subtle.


That's really all I can come up with rightnow. You've got a good idea, but the way you express it needs work. I can't tell you how though, I'm not that great at poem crit.

--
One day I will own a scalpel
and there is nothing you can do about it.

Support the Community- dA Scholarship
:iconth3-f4ll3n:
I appreiciate your apraisal, and to a certain extent I agree with what you've said. Granted its got a form unique to me, and it could do with some refining. I'm happy with what I've got in terms of concept and theme, but willing to admit it needs work. I only picked two thuds because of the sound effect, not due to any hidden meaning. This was a from the heart raw draft, little more to be honest. The final stanza having three is to create the image that he is giving all that he had in reserve for his last few steps, his heart thudding with a elipse for obvious reasons. Thanks again very much for the comment, it is appreiciaited.

--
'Kings will find armies; and the world men.'

Please view my poetry on: [link]
:iconmossi-mo:
Aha, I see that now. You're welcome for the comment, link me when and if you revise it.

--
One day I will own a scalpel
and there is nothing you can do about it.

Support the Community- dA Scholarship
:iconsherryetal:
I personally get it and like it very much! :)

--
:hug:'s from Ginger of Sherry et al's :community:

Please visit my :gallery:

:please: :buymyprints: !

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards. Soren Kierkegaard
:iconjesterseven:
I run because I can. I've spent too much time in bed over the years, and even though it's a near guarantee I'll have sore muscles and lungs when I sit back down and be stiff in the morning I do it anyway. Also because when I'm running any dwelling thoughts are pushed aside as I worry about more pertinent things like not tripping on the uneven sidewalk. I don't usually think to ask why other people are running, I just see that they are. :)

--
The little devil on everyone's shoulder.
:iconth3-f4ll3n:
You've got the majority of the feel of the poem their, kudos. Cheers for the comments too.

--
'Kings will find armies; and the world men.'

Please view my poetry on: [link]
:iconelefhunk:
mm I think everyone is running all their life. Running from problems, from society, from themselves. At the end we can only stop when we die. Death is what the last Paragraph (should I call it like that?) is talking about. I liked the Thud Thud thing, it's repeating and musical. Check my poems if you have a chance!

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July 20, 2007
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